Kirsten's One-Step Method for Speaking Like a Panhandle Floridian

You all knew it was coming. And admit it, you were subconsciously looking forward to it.

Last week I had hospital-wide new employee orientation every day from 8:00 to 4:30, and after a certain number of Florida State Hospital Operating Procedures, I needed to find some way to keep myself entertained. The solution? Decoding the way Panhandle Floridians speak. Or, to put it another way, figuring out what makes this region's accent different from the "normal" American (i.e. Midwestern) accent. Maybe this is already common knowledge, but as someone who can hear accents really well but can't imitate them, I wanted to figure out exactly what I was hearing. These discoveries seem to be safely generalized to southern Georgia and Alabama accents as well.

Enough rambling- here's the secret:

All you have to do to get the essence of the Florida Panhandle accent is replace every long I sound with the sound "ah", like you would say at the doctor's office. Yep, just like that, you will sound like you are from the Deep South.

Example: Let's use a phrase that would come in handy if you wanted to eat lunch: "I would like some fried chicken." (In fact, you would probably be able to use this phrase at least every day in the hospital cafeteria.) Instead of saying "I" and "fried" with long I sounds, you would replace them with "ah", resulting is something sounding like "Ah would like some frahd chicken." Bingo. You sound like a Southerner- and not even just with your accent, but with the content of you speech as well. It's magic!

Let's try another example: "It's ninety-five degrees outside." You'll need to change "ninety", "five", and "outside" to end up with a phrase sounding like "It's nahnty-fahv degrees outsahd." If you wanted to be more adventurous, you could even add something about the heat index of a hundred and fahv, and you wouldn't even be lying. You would actually be making an understatement.

Are you getting the hang of it? Good! But be aware, when talking to a real Southerner, other vowel sounds might vary in addition to the long I. There doesn't seem to be another sound that is consistently altered here, but it varies with different speakers. I'm still trying to work that out, but in the meantime, this handy one-step method will have you drawling with the best of them.